July 2, 2013
So this whole foot thing I have going on? I don’t think I’m handling it as well as I thought I was. Or as well as I hoped I would. I mean, in the grand scheme of things, it’s SO not a big deal. I’m not even in a ton of pain! It’s mostly just annoying, and the boot seems to be helping already- I can touch the spots on my foot that were sore for weeks and they’re not even sore anymore! So: healing. It’s happening.
Trying to get around and do the things I need to do each day with three small kids is hard. It just IS. By mid-afternoon, my entire leg is aching and my heel hurts from hobbling in the boot and my arch is sore and all I want to do is take the boot off and sit for a while. But the chances of that happening for more than 5 minutes are SLIM. I’m the Parent On Duty for 10+ hours each day. If someone needs something, I have to do it. (Thank GOODNESS for a husband who is home every night because whoa. Help is needed.) And when the kids are all finally occupied for a while, there’s a long list of Things I Need To Get Done, like dishes and laundry and dinner. All things that require standing and walking and boo.
I was good for the first few days. No big deal! This sucks but I can walk in this so hey! It will be fine. But a week in and I am exhausted. I totally overdid it around the house yesterday, which was stupid (and the kids were IN MOODS so they put ME into a mood and frankly, I was already halfway there so it didn’t take much.) So there’s lots of grumpiness going around in our house. It’s contagious. Be careful!
I’m also just really frustrated. I feel like I’ve spent all of the past year on the sidelines of my own life. Pregnant in May, miscarried in June. So most of that month was spent being careful and/or recovering from my D&C. I got pregnant again right away (yay!) and basically by Christmas, I was giant and uncomfortable and spent all winter looking forward to the weeks in the spring after the baby arrived when I could get outside and take walks with the baby and reclaim my body, FINALLY.
And here I am. In a boot. Hobbling around like a goofball, all sweaty and uncomfortable. Still. All because I was too EXCITED about getting back to normal life and I hurt myself. WHO DOES THAT. gah.
I think the most frustrating part is that Zach is actually cooperating with sleep and going to bed consistently by 7:30 or 8 and it’s still daylight out after that and if I were healthy, I could GO OUTSIDE and EXERCISE! A whole hour or more of time by myself! Oh how I dreamed of that during those dark and gloomy and cold days in February when putting on pants was a physical feat. But instead, all I can do is collapse on the couch and pull my boot off and make dirty-sounding sexy moaning noises at the sheer relief of my foot finally breathing AIR for the first time in 12 hours.
I really wanted to enjoy this summer. My last chance to take a long break and spend time with my kids, and I’m only half-present for it. Again. WE HAVE A SUMMER FUN LIST, DAMMIT. A cast on my foot is NOT HELPFUL for achieving these things! We are going to the beach in two weeks and I was SO looking forward to it and now I’m just stressed about how I’m going to deal with my boot in the sand and I want to put my feet in the damn ocean, please.
(I’m also not oblivious to the fact that a lot of my Whiny Feelings might be hormonal too. Three months post-partum. My hair is starting to fall out. Zach is going through a growth spurt so I can feel my body adjusting my milk supply and YAY HORMONES WHAT A GREAT ADDITION TO THIS WHOLE MESS.)
Anyway. I really don’t have a point, except to whine about my silly problems which I hate doing in this space. I’m not normally like this! But hey, I’m just keeping it real. This is what’s going on with me. I’m short-tempered and yelling at my kids (not that they haven’t done RIDICULOUS things to provoke it. ahem.) and I feel bad about it and my foot hurts. And to compensate for my self-pity, I’m eating my feelings in the form of ice cream a lot of nights (hey, I don’t drink wine so that’s my After The Kids Are Asleep weapon of choice) and that’s tooootally helpful for losing these pregnancy pounds.
So. Sorry. I’m done now. If you need me, I’ll be sitting down, attempting to perfect the art of Parenting From The Couch.