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confessions. and some whining. sorry.

So this whole foot thing I have going on? I don’t think I’m handling it as well as I thought I was. Or as well as I hoped I would. I mean, in the grand scheme of things, it’s SO not a big deal. I’m not even in a ton of pain! It’s mostly just annoying, and the boot seems to be helping already- I can touch the spots on my foot that were sore for weeks and they’re not even sore anymore! So: healing. It’s happening.

But.

Trying to get around and do the things I need to do each day with three small kids is hard. It just IS. By mid-afternoon, my entire leg is aching and my heel hurts from hobbling in the boot and my arch is sore and all I want to do is take the boot off and sit for a while. But the chances of that happening for more than 5 minutes are SLIM. I’m the Parent On Duty for 10+ hours each day. If someone needs something, I have to do it. (Thank GOODNESS for a husband who is home every night because whoa. Help is needed.) And when the kids are all finally occupied for a while, there’s a long list of Things I Need To Get Done, like dishes and laundry and dinner. All things that require standing and walking and boo.

I was good for the first few days. No big deal! This sucks but I can walk in this so hey! It will be fine. But a week in and I am exhausted. I totally overdid it around the house yesterday, which was stupid (and the kids were IN MOODS so they put ME into a mood and frankly, I was already halfway there so it didn’t take much.) So there’s lots of grumpiness going around in our house. It’s contagious. Be careful!

I’m also just really frustrated. I feel like I’ve spent all of the past year on the sidelines of my own life. Pregnant in May, miscarried in June. So most of that month was spent being careful and/or recovering from my D&C. I got pregnant again right away (yay!) and basically by Christmas, I was giant and uncomfortable and spent all winter looking forward to the weeks in the spring after the baby arrived when I could get outside and take walks with the baby and reclaim my body, FINALLY.

And here I am. In a boot. Hobbling around like a goofball, all sweaty and uncomfortable. Still. All because I was too EXCITED about getting back to normal life and I hurt myself. WHO DOES THAT. gah.

I think the most frustrating part is that Zach is actually cooperating with sleep and going to bed consistently by 7:30 or 8 and it’s still daylight out after that and if I were healthy, I could GO OUTSIDE and EXERCISE! A whole hour or more of time by myself! Oh how I dreamed of that during those dark and gloomy and cold days in February when putting on pants was a physical feat. But instead, all I can do is collapse on the couch and pull my boot off and make dirty-sounding sexy moaning noises at the sheer relief of my foot finally breathing AIR for the first time in 12 hours.

I really wanted to enjoy this summer. My last chance to take a long break and spend time with my kids, and I’m only half-present for it. Again. WE HAVE A SUMMER FUN LIST, DAMMIT. A cast on my foot is NOT HELPFUL for achieving these things! We are going to the beach in two weeks and I was SO looking forward to it and now I’m just stressed about how I’m going to deal with my boot in the sand and I want to put my feet in the damn ocean, please.

(I’m also not oblivious to the fact that a lot of my Whiny Feelings might be hormonal too. Three months post-partum. My hair is starting to fall out. Zach is going through a growth spurt so I can feel my body adjusting my milk supply and YAY HORMONES WHAT A GREAT ADDITION TO THIS WHOLE MESS.)

Anyway. I really don’t have a point, except to whine about my silly problems which I hate doing in this space. I’m not normally like this! But hey, I’m just keeping it real. This is what’s going on with me. I’m short-tempered and yelling at my kids (not that they haven’t done RIDICULOUS things to provoke it. ahem.) and I feel bad about it and my foot hurts. And to compensate for my self-pity, I’m eating my feelings in the form of ice cream a lot of nights (hey, I don’t drink wine so that’s my After The Kids Are Asleep weapon of choice) and that’s tooootally helpful for losing these pregnancy pounds.

Tired mama. Tired baby. Crazy 2 year old on the swings.
Tired mama.

So. Sorry. I’m done now. If you need me, I’ll be sitting down, attempting to perfect the art of Parenting From The Couch.

12 Comments

  1. Erica
    @Polkadot_hippo

    So sorry. The boot is a huge bummer. Maybe it would be okay to take a few small breaks from it at the beach?

    Jul 2 10:03 am


    • Jen
      @jayesel

      I’m going to ask the dr at my follow-up next week. At least ask him for tips on how to deal with it at the beach, if anything. Should I try to cover it with something? Or…? I can walk on my foot without pain if I’m very careful, but I worry about being too relaxed with it and needing the boot for even longer! So I don’t want to slack too much ;) But I’m DEFINITELY going in the pool so the boot will be off then for sure, DAMMIT. LOL

      Jul 2 10:20 am


  2. Melissa
    @sempremelissa

    I’m sorry. :( That has to be SO frustrating. Parenting three kids is hard enough even without injuries! ;) And especially mentally, I understand how much it would help to feel normal and active and “you” again. So I hope your foot heals over the next few weeks and you are able to get back to doing the things you enjoy. HUGS!

    Jul 2 10:05 am


    • Jen
      @jayesel

      Thanks, lady. I already feel better after my brain dump rant. LOL It really just just a mental thing, me wanting to get back to NORMAL FTLOG. The hardest part of pregnancy for me is not being myself physically… and here I am! A year later! Still not myself! grrr Plus, you know, the kids being ornery lately isn’t helping ;)

      Jul 2 10:22 am


  3. “And here I am. In a boot. Hobbling around like a goofball, all sweaty and uncomfortable. Still. All because I was too EXCITED about getting back to normal life and I hurt myself. WHO DOES THAT.”

    Well, it wasn’t post-delivery for me, but YES. ME. I did the same thing! Last spring I decided I would get back in shape, dammit, and started a consistent joggy-running regimen. After 6-8 weeks, I couldn’t keep ignoring the fact that my toe hurt and then after 2 MORE months of ignoring it (smart!) I, too, ended up with a suspected stress fracture. I wore a boot for 7 weeks. About the best thing I can say about it is that I got some sympathy from drivers while crossing the street near my work – they didn’t try to gun through the intersection and crosswalk like they normally do!

    So I totally get where you’re coming from and, yeah, it sucks. My only advice is stay with it – it really will help you heal. Hopefully you can even try a few short walks in the evening, too, after your trip. Hang in there! :(

    Jul 2 10:29 am


    • Jen
      @jayesel

      oh man. SEE?? What is the deal with exercise being BAD FOR US? Although I will say, this makes me feel less bad because I’ve been kicking myself (not literally, because I HAVE TO BE CAREFUL. ha) for pushing it too soon, even though I felt totally fine at the time, thinking it’s all my fault for not waiting longer to get back into things. Maybe it was just inevitable. SIGH. It does suck, for sure. I did get some sympathetic looks from other shoppers last week though, as I hobbled along at Giant Eagle with three kids ;) A small pleasure, I guess. LOL

      Jul 2 10:35 am


  4. Lea

    I personally think it’s TOTALLY okay being whiny and frustrated about this because it freaking sucks!! It puts me in a bad mood just hearing about your day and imagining it for myself. Geez man, having 3 kids home full-time leads me to the end of my rope constantly, and I am trying so hard to be patient and take deep breaths and manage the home side of things, too. But throw in a boot and hobbling around? FORGET IT.

    I hope these next 5(?) weeks fly by and then you will have a break from this nonsense and enjoy having your body back! And then you will be over the moon with joy!!! It will go by fast, and you can do it!!

    Jul 2 10:52 am


  5. K
    @twoadults

    The Boot of Doom. :(

    Maybe this is God’s way of telling you that you need an Amigo in your life. Like this: http://amigoshopper.com/products.html

    Personally, I think the Amigo Shopper XL has your name alllll over it.

    (xo)

    Jul 2 1:45 pm


  6. Anne
    @annabellespeaks

    I’ve been in those boots (summer 09, summer 10, and summer 11) and it is astounding how much the rest of your body can hurt just from walking around in that thing. It’s HARD. I got a little relief from using a crutch or cane in the house when I could. Those make you sore in different ways, and I found spreading it out a bit like that helped some. That way everything was a little sore instead of a few things being a LOT sore, if that makes sense.
    I hope you’re able to get the boot off for your beach trip! Or at least be able to take it off for long breaks and maybe only wear it when you’re not actually on the sand? That would be nicer anyway. I’ll be hoping for you!

    Jul 3 2:50 pm


    • Jen
      @jayesel

      Dude, you aren’t kidding. I wasn’t prepared for how sore the rest of my body has been! I’m finally getting used to it after almost 2 weeks, though. I keep switching shoes (smooshy flip flops, running shoes, etc) to change how my body is aligned and that seems to be helping a little. Also stretching each night feels really good! I take the boot off when I can (when I know I won’t have to jump up and do something for the kids after 30 seconds, which is rare! ha) and I’m hoping on vacation I’ll be able to rest a little bit more because I’ll have some extra people around (which is unlikely, but a girl can DREAM. haaaa)

      Jul 6 12:28 pm


  7. Susie
    @snoozical

    (Oh just catching up on posts from ages ago, don’t mind me!)

    I think… I think I might have landed myself in a similar situation. But I’m still in denial. I mean, my ankle sprain from a few days before hazel was born was healing really well – a little unstable still, but mostly pain free even when I walked around a good bit. I went running (slowly, on a treadmill) once and it was fine! I felt good. And so I played in a frisbee tournament. Because I am a genius. And now it HURTS – it aches, and there is a spot on my foot/ankle that is sore to the touch. And by the end of the day I kind of want to die. I should probably go to the doctor, but that’s like admitting that it’s messed up.

    So, you aren’t the only one. And it totally sucks, for all the reasons you mention. Ugh!

    Jul 15 9:56 pm


    • Jen
      @jayesel

      oh MAAAAN. I know you hurt yourself when you were still pregnant, but I wasn’t sure where things were with that now. I’m so sorry :( GO TO THE DOCTOR!! THEY WILL FIX YOU! (I also put it off for longer than I should have, because Baby and Other Kids and Mom Is Always Last On The List, etc.)

      Jul 22 4:21 pm