It makes me smile sometimes when other people on the Interwebs seem to be all up inside my brain and post things that I’ve been thinking about lately too. Both Nilsa and Ashley wrote recently about the smokescreen that blogging gives us- the ability to completely control what people know and see about us. We can filter out the less than ideal stuff and only show the shiny, happy things. Which is FINE, obviously. It’s more fun to read and see that stuff sometimes, you know? But… it’s not the Total Truth, we all know that.
Life is not perfect. Nobody’s is.
Several times in recent months I’ve had people (in real life and online) comment about how I “have it all together!” And dude. I just LAUGH. Oh how that is so not true. I do NOT have it all together. I do NOT and CANNOT do it all. Sometimes I can’t even do a LITTLE BIT! And after looking at my blog for a little bit, I realized that… maybe it seems that I do, sometimes? I post a lot of cute pictures of my girls, before and after shots of house projects, and tell funny stories about things Maggie says. Happy! Fun! Perfection!
What you don’t see? The snot I wiped from the baby’s nose before taking that picture. The pile of junk mail that the kids were playing with and had strewn all over the playroom I moved out of the way before getting out my camera. The many colorful and offensive words I said while trying to get that fabric to fold just right you mother-BEEPING-STUPID-THING. The attitude Maggie gave me 5 minutes before the funny thing she said, and the attitude I gave her right back even though I know it’s not mature and I’m the parent so I should know better but OMGKIDYOUAREKILLINGME.
So, you know. I put a filter up here, I guess. And maybe that’s a bad thing? I don’t know. Sometimes when the sucky stuff happens, it’s just annoying to have to RE-LIVE it all again as a blog post. If you don’t write about it, maybe it never happened?
Anyway. Trust me. My life is NOT perfect. My life is AWESOME! And FULL! And very very BLESSED! But not perfect. I am not perfect. I am, some days, barely hanging on and I feel like I just want to crawl into bed and sleep there and ignore The World. But I can’t. There are kids to be dressed and fed and work to be done and dishes to clean and meals to cook and shopping to do and tummies to tickle and and AND. In the rare moment when I AM SO ON TOP OF IT ALL, I feel like I am Winning At Life.
For like 10 minutes.
Then someone spills their milk or smears poop down their leg.
So, in the interest of full disclosure, here are some things (just a few, because Lord knows this list could go on forever) that make me less than perfect. But they make me real.
I don’t always remember to make Maggie brush her teeth. uh… here, chew some gum instead.
I don’t sweep our floors as often as I should. They are often very very crunchy, and not in the positive-hippy-speak kind of way.
I don’t usually get laundry put away in a timely fashion. This morning I was digging through a basket of clean laundry to find something to wear to work. A laundry basket that has been sitting there since… Friday night. But! It WAS clean!
I often lose patience with the girls and I don’t use my nice, kind, Mommy Voice all the time. Ahem. I’ve been known to slam a door or two in frustration.
I don’t say yes to Dan nearly enough (if you know what I mean).
I don’t play with my kids as much as I’d like to. There are always Things That Need Doing and I am bad about ignoring those things. A constant internal battle.
I don’t usually make Maggie eat foods she doesn’t like. This means she eats chicken nuggets and macaroni and cheese for a lot of meals. Or cheese quesadillas. Basically, she’s made up of about 95% cheese. I’ve thrown in the towel on the food battles for the most part, it’s just not worth the drama anymore.
I don’t buy a lot of organic food, simply because it enrages me that it’s so much more expensive than regular food. Consider it my mini-protest against The Establishment or whatever.
I should change our sheets more often than I do.
I don’t hand-make my kids’ clothing or Halloween costumes. I don’t sew. Maybe a button back on a shirt? I buy things from stores, and I’m totally cool with it.
I don’t always feel like cooking dinner so we order pizza or one of us picks something up on the way home from work. Usually something involving a combo meal and waffle fries.
I am awful at couponing. The idea is wonderful! But in theory, I don’t need to save 25 cents on four 6-packs of yogurt that will expire before we eat them all. That’s like… well, I suck at math too, but it’s like PENNIES per container of yogurt. NOT WORTH THE EFFORT.
I am happy that I work and I don’t feel bad about sending my kids to daycare. Part of that is obviously because I don’t do it every day (just 3 days a week) so I know that makes it much easier on all of us. But I really think it’s good for them and it’s good for me. I like my job and they get to hang with their friends and get used to other people wiping their bums. Win win! It works for us.
I start way too many projects.
I pay someone to clean my house for me, every 2 weeks. Best decision ever. (I do mini-cleanings in between, obviously, because we would be buried in goldfish cracker crumbs if I didn’t.) DELEGATION, MY FRIENDS.
I let Maggie and Audrey (yes, the baby!) watch tv pretty much when they want to (or rather, when Maggie wants to. Audrey just kind of goes along with it and chews on the remote.) They get PLENTY of non-electronic stimulation at school and playing outside and playing with each other… sometimes you just NEED some brain downtime, you know? Bring on Word World and Elmo, I say. Mommy needs to do the dishes IN PEACE.
So… what are your deep, dark secrets? :)