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thar she blows (up her own house. with her belly.)

We were pretty spoiled with Maggie when she was just starting to toddle about the house. (toddle? that’s a word, right? the verb form of toddler?)

Anyway.

She’s always been a curious kid, but she’s also been cautious and careful (one of her first words: “CEEEAH-FOO!”) And she listened to us pretty well when we said NO DON’T TOUCH THAT (which… WHAT HAPPENED TO THOSE LISTENING SKILLS, KID?) Because of this, when it came to baby-proofing, we got off easy. Outlet covers, some things to hide the cords on the baseboards, a baby gate or two, a lock on the tv cabinet because THAT was the one thing she loved to do- spread DVDs and video games all around the house- that was about it. I have a big bag full of kitchen cabinet locks I’ve never had to use, because she simply wasn’t interested in the cabinets or drawers. Part of it had to do with the layout of our old house- I could see the kitchen from wherever I was, or at least hear her if she went in there (small first floor, FTW!) so she didn’t have much time to get into any mischief. And we gave her a drawer of her own, which I think helped- she knew she was allowed in that one to play with my towels and tupperware, so she didn’t bother with the rest of them.

And now that she’s older, she just knows not to go into stuff. (Except for my nail polish, which is now on a very very high shelf. ahem.)

(Side note: I realize that by saying all of this to world, she’s either going to get into something really nasty tomorrow, or this baby girl in my belly is going to be a hell-raiser. GAH.)

So imagine my embarrassment when I had to purchase a pack of these today. Stove knob covers.

And would you like to know WHY?

MY PREGNANT BELLY KEEPS TURNING ON OUR GAS STOVE.

Several times over the past week or so, I’ve been putting something in or getting something out of the (over-the-range) microwave and a few moments later I smell gas and hear a slight whooshing sound. The first time it happened, I seriously had no idea what the sound was, and it took probably a full minute for me to realize I was FILLING MY HOUSE WITH GAS FROM THE STOVE. The knob was turned just enough to let the gas escape, but not enough for the *click-click-click* of the ignition thingie to kick on. The other times the ignition clicked and I noticed right away, but still- what if it caught me ON FIRE??

A few times when we’ve been gone from the house, I have a moment of panic, thinking What if I didn’t notice that I bumped the knob and I forgot to check and OMG what if the house is filling with gas right now and it’s going to explode??!??!!!? Does our homeowners’ insurance cover explosions caused by out-of-control pregnant bodies??

We have a three year old in the house, but we don’t need stove safety gear for her. We need it for my STOMACH. Which has apparently grown to such proportions that it is unsafe for me to be in my kitchen.

If you’ll excuse me, I’m going to go get some ice cream to drown my humiliation. Thankfully, that doesn’t require being near the stove.

14 Comments

  1. TwinMamaTeb

    I sincerely hope that I am laughing with you, and not just AT you, haha!

    Aug 9 9:16 pm


    • Jen
      @jayesel

      oh don’t worry, I’m totally laughing at the ridiculousness of this!!!!

      Aug 9 9:17 pm


  2. Candace
    @girlhaq

    LOL This made my night!

    Aug 9 9:25 pm


  3. I kind of had to do the dishes from a side angle for MONTHS. I feel you!

    Aug 9 9:29 pm


  4. If only you could find a way to lengthen your arms…

    Aug 9 10:00 pm


  5. sparkyd

    Just joining in on the laughter… with you of course. ;) That really is hilarious. Although I agree that it is also quite scary, and I’m glad you got the covers. Now that everyone is safe it can just be funny.

    Aug 10 12:28 am


    • Jen
      @jayesel

      yeah it was funny the first time, we had a good laugh. Then it happened AGAIN, and we realized hm, maybe not so much funny but kinda scary! (but still, also kind of funny, because HOW RIDICULOUS. This was so not in my pregnancy book!)

      Aug 10 10:06 pm


  6. I kinda love that Maggie’s little sister is already proving that you had better baby proof the house because she is going to raise some hell, complete with fire. Heh.

    Aug 10 10:08 am


    • Jen
      @jayesel

      We’re getting the feeling that we might be really, really screwed.

      Aug 10 10:07 pm


  7. So, this is my excuse for not wanting to cook later in pregnancy, right? At least that’s what I’m going to tell Sweets!

    BTW, as a former insurance rep, I can’t tell you how many times I asked my boss if our policies covered stupidity.And yes, our policies always did. So, not that I know the intricacies of your policy, but, errrr, pregnant belly likely isn’t one of the exclusions. =)

    Aug 10 1:56 pm


    • Jen
      @jayesel

      ha! Good to know! You know, just in case my belly grows so large that it manages to bypass the plastic knob guards ;)

      Aug 10 10:08 pm


  8. Hahahaha, brilliant! Love the irony of this, its quite classic! :)

    Aug 10 8:47 pm


  9. Andrea
    @ajh_rigs

    Ha! That’s both hilarious and frightening! I’m glad you found an easy solution. And now you already have baby-proofing materials for Baby Girl Hell Raiser! :)

    Aug 10 9:58 pm


    • Jen
      @jayesel

      And I’m sure you can imagine the jokes coming from Dan on this one. AHEM.

      Aug 10 10:15 pm