July 18, 2010
Today was a rough day for me. I woke up with an aching back and a sore groin/leg and just generally feeling every moment of my 30 weeks of pregnancy (that’s right: THIRTY. Already. And also: THIRTY. THAT’S IT. STILL TEN MORE FREAKING WEEKS, OMG.)
Maggie and I had a rather nice breakfast on the deck while Dan slept in for a bit. But after that, I think she has decided that I’m Boring and Old and she’s kind of annoyed at me.
She doesn’t completely understand why I need to rest on the couch so much these days. Why I can’t play games with her on the floor like she wants (we tried playing Hungry Hungry Hippo on the couch but it wasn’t completely level so the marbles rolled all to one side and OMG THAT WAS A PROBLEM, PEOPLE.) And because I’m tired and sore, my tolerance for Three Year Old Tantrums is like ZERO so I’m finding myself yelling a lot more than I usually do.
And when your kid looks at you with big tears rolling down her cheeks and sobs, “Don’t yell in my face!”, it breaks your heart. And makes you feel like a giant ball of Fail. (even if she totally needed yelled at because KID, I WAS JUST TRYING TO HELP YOU PUT THAT DVD IN, FOR GOODNESS SAKE.)
So I hug her and she forgives me and I explain that Mommy won’t always be so tired (DON’T TELL HER I’M LYING, PLEASE.) and someday I’ll have a lap again and we can snuggle on the couch and watch Finding Nemo the way she wants to, not the way I need to lay specifically so that my legs are elevated and my hips are comfortable and I’m propped up on pillows the right way so my back doesn’t start to ache (and even after I find that magical, special position, like 5 minutes later I have to shift because something is falling asleep or hurting.)
But I also keep reminding myself that it will be different then. Sure, I’ll have my body back under my control and (most of) my energy back. But we’ll also have another human being in this house- a new baby girl, yet unnamed, the one who is already making Mommy oh-so-tired. And Maggie will have to share that lap of mine.
I just hope she’s okay with that. Because I’m still adjusting to the idea.