Twitter Updates

favortweets, round #18

They really need no introduction.

samanthajcampen (blog) So I went running last night and my ass and thighs still look the same this morning. EXERCISE DOESN’T WORK, YOU GUYS! 11:41 AM May 6th

Sundry (blog) “Hey Mom? Sorry but this is going to take a long time. The poop is going out but then going back in.” Sadly, I kind of know what he means. 11:15 PM May 10th

burghbaby (blog) Kid watched her 3rd ever episode of Scooby Doo this morning and asked, “Why is there always footprints?” Because Scooby is stoned, my dear. 8:58 AM May 11th

Sundry (blog) Facebook privacy: your most valuable Farmville updates are at risk! Won’t somebody think of the baby lambs? 1:54 AM May 13th

SarahLena (blog) You know how some men just “don’t ever hear” the baby at 3 am? I don’t ever smell mine when there’s two adults. I think it’s a fair trade. 6:13 PM May 14th

Sundry (blog) We don’t stand around squawking about whose fault the mess is; we grab a paper towel. Conclusion: send a mom to clean the oil spill. 7:27 PM May 18th

pocklock (blog) My husband is refusing to kill a gigantic bug flying around my living room claiming it’s “harmless”. WASN’T THIS IN THE CONTRACT?? 9:28 PM May 20th

ModernMatriarch (blog) I want more children like I want to hug a lion. I mean, it would be totally cool, and then they would eat my face. Then it would suck. 5:12 PM May 25th

CranberryPerson When they announced the result, my wife declared “we are never watching this &*$%ing show again.” I owe you one, American Idol voters. 7:26 AM May 27th

CranberryPerson If I knew I’d have to cough up a buck for a knocked-out tooth, I’d have gotten my kids the boneless taquitos. 6:19 PM May 27th

Sarcomical (blog) don’t ever go to costco with your husband just because he’s bored. you will regret it in multiples of $10 soon after. 4:04 PM May 30th

kidthingsnet (blog) No help mom, I can put this shirt on by myself, she says in not so many words. Oh yeah, then why’s your head sticking out of the armhole? 4:13 PM May 30th

SarcasticMomLC (blog) Is there an online tutorial on how to remove a 3 year old’s larynx? 8:02 PM Jun 1st

foldinglaundry (blog) You know, if someone put me in a vibrating chair, I would never cry. Just saying, ELIJAH. 9:59 AM Jun 3rd

Sundry (blog) You guys, I just made these low-carb pancakes with egg and banana and ground flax and guess what, they were SO . . . INCREDIBLY SHITTY. 11:58 AM Jun 5th

kirida (blog) why is it whenever I peel open an orange, it looks like I tried to do it with my feet? 12:26 AM Jun 7th

LookyDaddy (blog) In a blow to scientific & theological circles alike, my girls’ behavior today disproves both natural selection and intelligent design. 12:24 PM Jun 16th

melissity (blog) Just went upstairs & found a sock hanging on every door knob. Almost like college dorm days on George’s floor, if the socks weren’t size 5T. 9:19 PM Jun 18th

redpenmama (blog) How is it that a child that will not leave me alone for 2 seconds at home does not hesitate to run away from me in public? 2:02 PM Jun 19th

metalia (blog) I fell asleep at 9:30-ish last night, after some tea. So, basically, I am living inside a Snoop Dogg video, is what I’m saying. 6:41 AM Jun 23rd

Sundry (blog) When “Hi honey I needed a break so I ran to the store” just won’t do: http://yfrog.com/hqjccgj 11:34 PM Jun 24th

CranberryPerson It’s not that you lose the spark when you become parents, it’s just tough to stay awake for 4-7 minutes after the kids have fallen asleep. 1:45 PM Jun 29th

foldinglaundry (blog) When I see people power washing their driveways, I begin to feel incredibly guilty about never mopping my floors. 6:18 PM Jun 29th

ModernMatriarch (blog) “Momma, I think I just pooped a piece of bacon!” “But you don’t eat bacon.” “Oh. I think I’m gonna need some help in here then.” Motherhood. 2:47 PM Jun 30th

OHmommy (blog) Daughter (who has had many xrays) says to son, “An xray is just like a photo. Of your body. But you don’t have to smile for it.” 5:13 PM Jun 30th

metalia (blog) Is there a game called 10 Horrifying Words? If so, I’ll win with: “My thumb smells like barf, and I DON’T KNOW WHY.” This game sucks. 5:31 PM Jul 1st

SarcasticMomLC (blog) I’m thinking about having Braden’s nostril removed so he can just wear it as a ring. Would save him the trouble of lifting his arm all day. 7:57 PM Jul 1st

1 Comment

  1. I pink puffy heart these every. single. time.

    Jul 2 2:32 pm