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Betty Crap-Her

I’m a pretty good cook. I can chop, saute, roast, simmer, whatever. I’ve even gotten to the point where I can use a recipe as a starting point and make changes of my own and have a good idea of how it will turn out. There have been a few bombs here and there, but overall, I’m handy in the kitchen.

What I don’t do very often? Bake. Partly because it’s time-consuming, and even though I enjoy cooking (most of the time), I really only do it because it’s a necessary thing. We HAVE to eat dinner, so someone HAS to cook it. If I could have our meals prepared by someone else every night without spending a fortune, you’d better believe I’d do it! But, you know, reality and all that. But baking- that’s extra. So I really only ever bake around Christmas time when I make cookies for the holiday. I’ve never baked a cake in my life, and I don’t even think I’ve ever made cupcakes. I did make pumpkin muffins once and they were… okay.

But today I made plans to bake some chocolate chip cookies to share with our neighbors who oh-so-generously helped Dan and his dad assemble Maggie’s swingset this weekend. A thank you gift! Who doesn’t left freshly-baked, homemade chocolate chip cookies?

HOWEVER.

I forgot I kind of suck at baking sometimes.

The recipe is fine. And I mixed it all just right. I know this because the last cookie sheet turned out edible. The first two sheets? Burnt hockey pucks.

so. much. fail.

(They actually look marginally okay from the top… UNTIL YOU FLIP THEM OVER.)

so. much. fail.

All because I put the cookie sheets on the middle rack instead of the top rack. And maybe that, combined with the new cookie sheets I got for Christmas that are pretty thick and therefore hold the heat quite a bit more than my old, crappy, thin ones. Or maybe the Baking Gods just hate me.

Either way, I’m pretty sure my neighbors would hold a secret homeowners association meeting to vote us off the street if I tried to feed them these awful cookies.

Dan wasn’t too upset though. He loves chocolate chip cookies, and he has a whopping fourteen cookies to eat now. The other 24 are in the trash where they belong.

12 Comments

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  2. Melissa
    @sempremelissa

    Whoa, you weren’t kidding about burning them! Don’t feel bad though, you figured it out and I bet next time they’ll turn out great.

    I’m the exact opposite. Only so-so at cooking, but good at baking. Which is strange on SO many levels: it takes patience (HA), it’s something I usually can’t eat (dammit), etc. I made cookies about ten times through the winter for our neighbor with the snowblower–definitely a well-received gesture of thanks! And I bake pretty much every weekend for family/friends. It’s amazing that my husband does not weigh 500 lb. I swear he has the metabolism of a Gilmore.

    I would totally trade you for your cooking skills, though. Much more practical. At least until we can all afford live-in chefs. ;)
    .-= Melissa’s last blog post: losing it: update #3 =-.

    Apr 5 11:32 pm


  3. C @ Kid Things
    @kidthingsnet

    I say just buy them a box of already made. Wrap em up like you baked them yourself and voila! Problem solved! Yeah, I don’t bake either.
    .-= C @ Kid Things’s last blog post: Easter Day =-.

    Apr 5 11:42 pm


  4. with you. not at you. the laughing.
    promise.

    Apr 5 11:57 pm


    • Jen
      @jayesel

      I can only dream of being the baker you are ;) And the laughing is okay. We totally were.

      Apr 6 8:02 am


  5. Korinna
    @twoadults

    HA! Poor little burnt cookies.

    Also? I’ve been known to eat just the tops of whatever burns. In a pinch.
    .-= Korinna’s last blog post: Happy Easter =-.

    Apr 6 9:05 am


    • Jen
      @jayesel

      I will neither confirm nor deny that I maybe might have done that exact same thing on a few of them. Possibly.

      Maybe.

      Apr 6 9:11 am


  6. Mel
    @overdramaticmel

    I suck at baking but am pretty good with cooking. When I cook, I like to not always follow the recipe, customizing it until it tastes the way I’d like it to. Apparently, you can’t do this when baking or you could screw up the project altogether. Not that I’ve ever done that. :)

    Apr 6 9:35 am


  7. Athena

    we’ve all been there. feels like you just wasted so much time…

    i have tried to burn things on my stoneware just to see if i could. and i can’t. maybe that will help! you can borrow mine if you want… but then you’ll have to bake more…. hehehehe!

    Apr 6 10:53 am


  8. Air Bake cookie sheeeeeeeeeets! They are a dream. Couldn’t live without them. (We also use the silicone cookie sheet covers.)

    I can’t stand cooking, but I love baking. Probably because everything is so exact and precise. You follow the recipe to the letter and everything comes out tasty (usually). The only problem is that baking almost always yields stuff that I can’t eat on a diet. :P
    .-= Laura’s last blog post: spring fashion: day 6 =-.

    Apr 6 11:06 am


  9. Something went very wrong! They didn’t SPREAD. They’re LUMPS! Were the non-burned ones little lumps like that, too?
    .-= Swistle’s last blog post: Diet Update: One Week In =-.

    Apr 12 5:45 pm


    • Jen
      @jayesel

      I don’t know! It’s my mom’s recipe and I followed it exactly- hers turn out perfect, mine- not so much. Even the non-burned ones are pretty lump-like (though not as much as the burned ones) Is it too much flour? Not enough flour? Not enough baking soda? Too much? I suck at baking :/

      Apr 12 8:56 pm