favortweets! round #15

It’s that time again! Time to giggle and snort and laugh out loud.

undomesticdiva (blog) ME: Is now a good time to tell you I bought our son a guinea pig for xmas? HUSBAND: No. ME: Ok. How’s your day going? 1:20 PM Dec 16th, 2009

CranberryPerson GAMBLING TIP: If you pick Texas in your office pool, do NOT draw a little longhorn because it WILL look like a jockstrap and/or uterus. 1:31 PM Dec 18th, 2009

samanthajcampen (blog) I really REALLY need to exercise. Feeling slothful. Will someone come over here and chase me with a knife? 4:17 PM Dec 18th, 2009

jonniker (blog) Adam & I both *swear* that Samantha said “doggie” in reference to Sunny. And then our 9-month-old prodigy slapped herself in the face. 5:14 PM Dec 19th, 2009

CranberryPerson Missed out on a kids’ birthday party and family Christmas shopping today. PRETENDING TO BE SICK IS AWESOME YOU GUYS. 9:37 PM Dec 19th, 2009

ModernMatriarch (blog) Does anyone know if the ER can surgically remove a remote-controlled helicopter from a grown man’s ass after his wife shoves it there? 9:43 PM Dec 21st, 2009

thatnight (blog) Arguing whether Harry Potter or Twilight is better-written is like a feud between human beings and those mops from the Swiffer commercials. 5:18 PM Jan 2nd

notthatyouasked (blog) I just ripped a fart while rocking the baby and the monitor is on downstairs where Asher is playing with… MY MOTHER- IN-LAW. 7:24 PM Jan 5th

Sundry (blog) When your wife finishes school registration and jokes “Does this look like the ass of a college girl?” correct answer is NOT “Freshman 15” 1:42 PM Jan 6th

woycheck (blog) TRAFFIPOCALYPSE 4:49 PM Jan 7th

ModernMatriarch (blog) If your PR email to me starts, “Dear Fellow Vegetarian” clearly you have me confused with someone who wouldn’t kill her own cow for a burger 8:32 AM Jan 8th

Sundry (blog) I’m going to put out a camera, Paranormal Activity-style, to catch the lone Legos furiously humping and birthing new blocks all night long. 11:50 PM Jan 8th

CranberryPerson Somewhere in the deep recesses of my mind are memories of a time when a weekend’s success was not measured by how much ironing I got done. 5:29 PM Jan 10th

kerrianne (blog) I think allowing employees to periodically set Excel spreadsheets afire would really boost office morale. 8:04 PM Jan 13th

scarletfire (blog) I think those of us who have been through pregnancy/childbirth can agree that the worst thing about 8 days of coughing is not the coughing. 11:43 PM Jan 13th

samanthajcampen (blog) Thanks Mucinex. I’ve always wanted to know what it felt like to swallow a frisbee. 2:59 PM Jan 20th

SarcasticMomLC (blog) Look, if the whale is too heavy, we need to get some more damn birds to hold the blanket. 4:40 PM Jan 20th

unclecrappy (blog) Calling our site’s admin side its “back end” seems far too polite. “Asshole” seems much more appropriate. 11:41 PM Jan 24th

notthatyouasked (blog) I was only going to eat half a donut but I am an overachiever, I guess. 9:35 AM Jan 25th

LookyDaddy (blog) Google should have a flash screen: It appears your search terms are medical symptoms. Are you sure you wish to proceed? There is no undo. 1:40 PM Jan 25th

mooshinindy (blog) I’m going to start a support group. It will be called “moms who have to change sheets on bunk beds.” 2:47 PM Jan 25th

melissity (blog) Just remembered I left something at the hospital after having 2nd baby 12 weeks ago: MY SANITY. Think it’s too late to go back and find it? 6:30 PM Jan 25th


  1. samantha jo campen

    January 25, 2010 10:01 pm

    WOOO! I made it twice! I am on FIRE.

    Seriously, those made me laugh out loud. You’ve got some GOOD ONES this week. Holla!

  2. C @ Kid Things

    January 25, 2010 11:40 pm

    Man, I haven’t been on this list in a long time. I suck. In my defense, it’s hard to be funny when you’ve lost your freakin’ mind.
    .-= C @ Kid Things’s last blog post: 18 Months =-.

  3. Woy

    January 27, 2010 11:32 pm

    Woot! I made the big time!

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