It’s the end of 2009, my friends. Instead of a boring year-in-review post of my personal life (which is TOTALLY happening eventually, I know you’re excited.) I thought I’d do a Best of 2009 Favortweets edition.
Now, I was going to try to keep it to 10 because that’s like, a THING with these types of lists, but seriously? You guys are too awesome and hilarious to limit myself. So I made it 20. Because I can do that! I’m mad with POWER!
I hope you all have a jolly New Years celebration. Whether you’re going out or staying in or whatever. Here’s to 2010 being a wonderful year for all of us!
Sarcomical: maybe, just maybe, if i don’t eat these birthday cupcakes nightly, the island will blow up. …better keep eating. i’m a hero. 11:07 PM May 30th
samanthajcampen: Sitting at my desk, minding my business when all of a sudden I whip my head around because I thought I saw our CAT. WHO DOES NOT WORK HERE. 3:28 PM May 27th
redpenmama: I just had to block someone on twitter. Her only update was about people looking for sex in my area. Yeah, I got one of those at home. 9:07 PM May 5th
CranberryPerson: Her: TV’s broken, what are we going to do WINK WINK Me: Dunno. Read? Her: No, I mean we can go up in the BEDROOM Me: OH YEAH THAT TV WORKS 9:16 PM Jul 14th
amalah: Cleaning mussels for dinner. The Internet informs me that I must remove the “fibrous byssal threads.” I think I want a pizza. 7:00 PM Jul 20th
alexaflotsam (blog) Happily, the antiviral he gave me is a herpes med, so according to the commercials I should be riding horseback on the beach any time now. 11:00 AM Jul 29th
CranberryPerson Driving my minivan alone. Need bumper sticker that reads Ã¢â‚¬Å“my other car doesn’t make me question what in God’s name my life has become.Ã¢â‚¬Å“ 5:59 PM Aug 5th
Sarcomical (blog) i just paused the Golden Girls in my office while i left someone a message. then i realized. I PAUSED THE GOLDEN GIRLS. 9:21 AM Aug 7th
JanePitt (blog) If I write a book, I shall call it “If stabbing pigeons is wrong, I bet it’s really wrong when I light them on fire.” #PETA 3:11 PM Aug 26th
Sundry (blog) Last night’s trainer: “Hey, guess how I came up with this exercise?” Me (gasping): “While you were watching that movie SAW?” 11:29 AM Aug 29th
CranberryPerson I ran over that bee’s home with my lawn mower, so he stung me. End of story. And this is why the animal kingdom doesn’t need lawyers. 4:19 PM Sep 6th
loveisblonde (blog) I have been a Productivity Rockstar this morning. Probably because I am drinking coffee from a mug decorated with cats dressed up as cowboys 12:25 PM Sep 22nd
pocklock (blog) I have a feeling my obit is going to contain the words, flight-of-stairs, laundry basket, and cat. 9:17 AM Sep 25th
jonniker (blog) Just got my belt loop stuck in the door handle, which RIPPED MY PANTS OFF and made me hit the floor, face down. Am living Darwinian fail. 12:22 PM Sep 28th
SarcasticMomLC (blog) I’ve been getting screamed at all day long by someone who knows WAY LESS than I do, but won’t admit it. Who says this isn’t like a real job? 7:32 PM Oct 2nd
scarletfire (blog) I love my spam folder. I got an email from Jesus today, who I didn’t know was so tech-savvy. Or so concerned with my ability to ejaculate. 8:53 AM Oct 15th
Sundry (blog) Apparently delivering a sarcastic rendition of “Everybody Hurts” to a tantruming toddler doesn’t help matters. Parenting is SO unintuitive. 10:34 PM Nov 4th
mooshinindy (blog) the moosh ended her prayer today with dot com. As in “In the name of Jesus Christ, Amen. Dot Com.” 9:13 PM Nov 19th
metalia (blog) Sometimes, there’s no expletive to satisfactorily describe a situation, and you have to invent one. As I did today, with “whorefart.” 8:03 PM Dec 3rd
jonniker (blog) I wish there were something stronger I could do with my eyes other than roll them. Like maybe scoop them out and bowl with them. 7:03 PM Dec 15th