So this week has sucked so far, pretty much.

I took Maggie to the doctor yesterday just to get her checked out. No strep, just a nasty virus. Her fever comes and goes, and her throat must be ridiculously sore because she will look at me as she coughs with this horribly sad and pained expression, like Mommy why can’t you make it not hurt??? And all I can do is hug her and try to get her to stop crying. But the more she cries, the more it hurts… and the more it hurts, the more she cries… you get the idea. She’s exhausted because she hasn’t been sleeping well (which means none of us have been) and she’s very very clingy and snuggly. Which is so unlike her- she rarely will sit still long enough to finish a bottle, let alone snuggle on my lap for an hour while we watch tv. That’s actually been the bright spot in the past few days.

The best part (and by ‘best’ I mean ‘grossest and most horrible’) is that Maggie has coughed and cried so much and gotten herself into such a frenzy the past 3 nights that she’s thrown up. She’ll wake up an hour or so after she goes to bed and she’ll be coughing, and then it escalates and we can’t calm her down and she starts gagging and coughing and it sounds so horrible and then the puke comes. Once all over me, but mostly the carpet and once on her sheets (and once in the hallway on the wood floors- SPLASH!) Her room smells delicious right about now.

I did send her to daycare today, partly because I needed to get some work done and partly because, admittedly, I just needed a freaking break. Parenting is hard, yes, we all say that. But it is never harder than when they are sick. The cycle of no sleep, frustration, sadness and guilt over not being able to fix what makes them feel bad, and then more guilt over wanting to throw things across the room at 3am when they just won’t go to sleep and you are so tired you think you might die from it and you realize that hello, you’re not even sick, think how bad your baby feels right now! Me = Sucky Mom. argh.

I had a rough night and morning, mentally. Just feeling overwhelmed at all of the things I need to do this week- workwise and around the house, my LORD you should see this place, it really is a sight to behold. I’ve just been feeling stretched and pulled every direction, like I have no boundaries anymore. I’m taking care of Maggie at the same time that I’m emailing clients and fiddling with sites and paying bills and doing laundry and planning meals and everything just runs together into one big mess each day. There’s rarely ‘Work Time’ and ‘Play Time’- it’s just ‘Doing All Kinds Of Crap When I Can Fit It In Time’. argh I need another vacation. ALONE. PREFERABLY IN A PADDED ROOM.

Okay. Vent over.

She made it through the day at daycare, surprisingly. I kept expecting to get a call that she had another fever and they wanted me to come and pick her up. But she was okay, a little warm when I got her (like 99 or so) and babbling and smiling, but very very sleepy. Which of course went away at bedtime where she proceeded to scream and cry and fight sleep again, like she’s done for the last 3 nights. Even with snuggling and Sesame Street!

But she’s asleep now. We heard a few coughs and whimpers a little while ago, but she calmed herself down. If we can get through tonight without a Puke-Fest, it will be an accomplishment. Wish us luck.