hold the beans
April 16th, 2007 @ 11:25 am | Comments
Filed Under: emotional, life, motherhood
A lot of you have asked for details on the crying over a burrito incident- so the least I can do is oblige :) But first, some back story.
For those of you who have never experienced the first week post-partum… it’s HARD. I had always heard it was hard, I had read about it, and I thought I was prepared. I wasn’t. I don’t know if mine was harder or easier than anyone elses, but looking back I can say that it was definitely the hardest week of my life. I was dealing with so many things- this new little person I had to take care of and a new sleeping schedule (if you can call it a schedule!) My girl parts were swollen beyond anything I had imagined- standing up and walking was an incredible chore and I came to dread it. My stomach muscles were still sore- coughing and (OH LORD) sneezing had become something out of a horror film for me. Plus, the hormones- OH THE HORMONES. I was having extremely rough nights- sweats, chills, nausea, combined with feeding a baby in a sleepy stupor. At first I was worried I may have had mastitis because on several occasions I felt like I had a fever, but thankfully that wasn’t the case. For days, it was all I could do to just breastfeed Maggie- Dan had to get her for me, change her diapers, get me water and snacks, and rub my back to relax me while I was shaking uncontrollably during one of my sweats/chills episodes. I’m not sure what caused that exactly- I’m guessing a combination of my raging post-partum hormones and my screwed up body from the issues I had after delivery (low blood pressure and anemia) Whatever it was, the combination of all of these things made that first week extremely difficult- which I know is normal and nearly every new mom deals with these things, but when you’re IN IT, it seems like no one else has ever experienced this before and you start doubting that you will EVER feel normal again.
So. After a week of trying mostly unsuccessfully to eat something other than yogurt and fruit cups (the only 2 things that even kind of sounded good to my nauseous stomach) by Friday I was itching for something REAL and NORMAL. Dan had to make a trip to Target (the dear boy bought me maxi pads, people- WITHOUT COMPLAINING.) and he offered to get me something for dinner while he was out. I immediately said ‘Moe’s‘!!!! I gave him my order- even wrote it down- Homewrecker, Chicken, NO BEANS, everything else is fine (cheese, sour cream, guac, etc) He headed out and I stayed at home with the baby, dreaming about my burrito.
When he got home, I was so excited. For the first time in over a week, I was hungry, which I took as a good sign that maybe my body was starting to recover a bit. He handed me the bag and said, “Yeah they kind of screwed up our order.” I thought he was kidding… “Are you serious?” I said.
“Yeah- yours has steak and beans on it.”
BARF. I HATE beans. Black beans, pinto beans, refried beans, all of them. Green beans are all I will eat- and I’m pretty sure that they didn’t put green beans on my burrito.
I asked him how this could have happened- I mean, you stand right there and WATCH THEM MAKE IT. Well apparently I wasn’t the only one dealing with the effects from Week One of Parenthood, because in his tired state, Dan got confused when the guy asked him what he wanted on each of our orders (Dan wanted a steak quesadilla with beans- he ended up with chicken and beans..?) However it happened, bottom line, my burrito had beans on it.
Normally… probably not a huge deal. I usually let those things slide right by, because really- beans on my burrito is nothing compared to the plight of just about everyone else in the world, right? At least I HAVE a burrito to put beans on!
But. See the second paragraph up there? All of that turned the beans on my burrito into the Worst Thing to Ever Happen, Ever. Dan offered to pick them off for me. Really, have you ever tried picking that many beans out of something? It would take HOURS (I whined that part, I think) I’ll just eat something else, I said. Whatever.
I had cereal and yogurt for dinner. After I finished eating, I took a nap on the couch- which was really just me, laying down facing the wall, crying for 30 minutes while our daughter slept in her swing and Dan pretended not to notice I was crying. Which is what I wanted- I just needed to let it out. I needed to release the week’s worth of frustration and exhaustion and not feeling well and just… CRY.
That was Friday, Good Friday, actually. Since then, I’ve been fine and felt better each day. I haven’t cried since then! In fact, the next day, Dan ate my bean-laden burrito for lunch and he made a joke about how yummy the beans were- and I was able to laugh at that.
That’s when I knew it would be okay. We would be normal again soon.
Later that week, my sister brought me a bean-less Homewrecker with Chicken for lunch. I love her. It was the Yummiest Burrito Ever.
More posts like this:
- he’s such a jokester June 4, 2007
- never been so happy to see Friday. November 14, 2008
- weekend of the sick November 25, 2007
- what I did this past weekend: an essay. March 9, 2008
- recipe: Taco Chicken November 25, 2008
April 16th, 2007 @ 12:09 pm
Aw, I agree that the first week post pardum is so darn hard. I don’t know how the hell I am going to do with two kids. I am seriously afraid of how it’s going to be. Plus, I’ve dealt with ppd so that is another thing that worries me.
Glad to hear that things are going better and getting easier!
April 16th, 2007 @ 12:50 pm
I don’t think I ever cried so much than the first week or so postpartum. I would cry because I was happy, I would cry because I was sad, I cried b/c Isaac went back in the hospital for three days w/ jaundice and had to have an IV…
There’s something about labor/delivery and the “sudden” end to pregnancy that just sends your body directly into shock.
At any rate, glad you are doing better! (and it DOES keep getting better!!)
April 16th, 2007 @ 2:16 pm
Hope you continue to feel better!
April 16th, 2007 @ 2:23 pm
I hate beans, too, so I totally understand. I’d probably cry now, and it’s been nine MONTHS since Oliver was born. hehe ;)
The first postpartum week went by in a blur; I only remember bits and pieces. It was definitely a time of emotional extremes. All I can tell you is that, while you don’t necessarily forget the hard parts, you’ll overlook them in remembering all those first tender moments and trying to believe that the baby who is babbling and crawling all over your kitchen floor was ever that small… :)
I’m glad you’re feeling more like yourself and you got to enjoy a bean-less burrito! Lots of hugs to baby Maggie too!
P.S. Did you try Dermoplast to numb the area “down there”? That stuff helped me soooo much.
April 16th, 2007 @ 3:30 pm
Oh yes, Dermoplast….a lifesaver for sure!
April 16th, 2007 @ 3:52 pm
God, does that bring back bad memories. My son just turned 3 on 4/8 and those first few weeks were hell. I even cried because my husband wouldn’t wake up when I was crying. Hormones are a crazy thing. It gets better, I promise. Enjoy every minute, you’ll be able to laugh about it in the future.
April 16th, 2007 @ 4:18 pm
I remember crying too that first week. Anytime, one of my family members left for the evening, I would cry. When my mom gave Braden his first bath, I cried…why? Darn hormones!
April 16th, 2007 @ 8:28 pm
Oh girl, we think alike! Every time I go to Taco Bell, I order a Grilled CHICKEN stuff’d burrito and I always wind up with beans, cheese and one piece of chicken in there. I’m always like WTF. Crying over a bean-y burrito is totally worth it. I feel your pain.
April 16th, 2007 @ 10:09 pm
Jamie: ew and the beans at Taco Bell are refried- DEFINITELY can’t pick those out! I love the stuffed burritos at Taco Bell though… mmm…. and I order them minus beans as well :)
April 17th, 2007 @ 4:11 am
I would have cried over my food order being wrong, even though not pregnant! I’m a fussy eater.
April 17th, 2007 @ 7:53 am
Jen: Oh, make mine without sour cream as well. Now I personally, have cried over sour cream. The stuffed burritos at TB are pretty good, but I just wish they had a chicken and rice burrito. That would make my tummy and tastebuds happy :)
Maggie is getting so big :)
April 17th, 2007 @ 1:55 pm
First of all…I’ve been totally MIA and need to offer my congratulations.
Second of all…they all tell you that you’ll be tired and disoriented, but no one ever REALLY prepares you for that first week. It’s terrifying, exciting and exhausting all at the same time. I don’t blame you for the beans thing. But it gets better :)
April 18th, 2007 @ 5:40 pm
makes total sense - if that happened to me that first week postpartum, i totally would have done the same.. thanks for sharing this :)
April 20th, 2007 @ 5:36 pm
Haha, it’s so funny to read about someone else who hates beans as much as me! The only ones I like are green beans too! Everyone I know, knows that I hate beans!