December 28, 2006
Last night I think I had my first (or at least biggest) panic freak out about having a baby. And by last night, I mean this morning, sometime around 3 am when I was awake with heartburn and had just woken up from a bizarre dream where I was on the set of The Office and I might have made out with Jim. Maybe.
So I’m obviously hormonal. But I’m not sure my hormones had everything to do with it. I’m just… getting nervous. And anxious. And excited too. But mostly just overwhelmed. I’m almost to the ‘3 months left’ point. THREE MONTHS. How did that happen?!?! My brain started exploding with thoughts about all of the things I need to get done in the next three months.
How will we get her room finished on time (or at least before I’m not able to walk like a normal person) How the heck am I going to launch all 10 of my current clients’ websites in 3 months before my maternity leave? We really need to get moving on registering. What if I can’t handle a baby and working at home at the same time? What if it’s too much and I FAIL? WHAT ARE WE GOING TO NAME HER? When are we going to be able to learn all of the things we need to learn before she’s born? I don’t know anything about babies!!!!! Why did we think we were ready for this?! ….oh a kick… (put my hand on my belly to feel her better) …hi Baby Girl!…. she’s gonna be so cute when she’s born, I can’t wait to see her.
Just repeat that paragraph over and over about 97 times, and that was my brain last night.
And of course today, in the daylight and having gotten some things accomplished today work-wise, I’m feeling much better and not all that worried and know we’ll be fine. Though I still am a bit hormonal because my boobs HURT. (TMI? sorry.)
But for some reason, at 3 am, things are much much scarier.