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3am is just not pretty.

Last night I think I had my first (or at least biggest) panic freak out about having a baby. And by last night, I mean this morning, sometime around 3 am when I was awake with heartburn and had just woken up from a bizarre dream where I was on the set of The Office and I might have made out with Jim. Maybe.

So I’m obviously hormonal. But I’m not sure my hormones had everything to do with it. I’m just… getting nervous. And anxious. And excited too. But mostly just overwhelmed. I’m almost to the ’3 months left’ point. THREE MONTHS. How did that happen?!?! My brain started exploding with thoughts about all of the things I need to get done in the next three months.

How will we get her room finished on time (or at least before I’m not able to walk like a normal person) How the heck am I going to launch all 10 of my current clients’ websites in 3 months before my maternity leave? We really need to get moving on registering. What if I can’t handle a baby and working at home at the same time? What if it’s too much and I FAIL? WHAT ARE WE GOING TO NAME HER? When are we going to be able to learn all of the things we need to learn before she’s born? I don’t know anything about babies!!!!! Why did we think we were ready for this?! ….oh a kick… (put my hand on my belly to feel her better) …hi Baby Girl!…. she’s gonna be so cute when she’s born, I can’t wait to see her.

Just repeat that paragraph over and over about 97 times, and that was my brain last night.

And of course today, in the daylight and having gotten some things accomplished today work-wise, I’m feeling much better and not all that worried and know we’ll be fine. Though I still am a bit hormonal because my boobs HURT. (TMI? sorry.)

But for some reason, at 3 am, things are much much scarier.

12 Comments

  1. Corrie
    @iheartsnark

    What the heck are you going to name her? I’m betting you have a list right? You love lists! It will all work out, trust me. When we had Jaden (#1) we freaked out and thought we had gotten ourselves into a buttload of trouble, then we had Joey and we were like, what were we crying about, he was cake! I think the best thing to do is relax and enjoy every minute of it because before you know it the baby will be 5 1/2 and hog the Playstation all the time.

    Dec 28 4:13 pm


  2. Jen
    @jayesel

    haha! Thanks for the laugh about the Playstation (or in our case, the Xbox).. that puts it into perspective ;) I know in my ‘right mind’ that we’ll be okay, but sometimes you just panic, you know? heh

    Yeah we have a list of names… of course! haha There are like 12 names on it so we’re not really close to deciding…!

    Dec 28 4:18 pm


  3. Sunshine

    I’m convinced the TOTAL FREAKING OUT is a mom-gene that gets activated during pregnancy. Unfortunately, there’s no de-activate button.

    I fear we’ll be having 3am freak-outs for a LONG time.

    But, they are sooooooo worth it! Especially when they look at you and say “love you, mama” which sounds like “loush eeeeww, maaamaaa.”

    Dec 28 4:25 pm


  4. How funny, because I do the total freaking out (about absolutely everything) on a regular basis, so it’s apparently already activated in me. ESPECIALLY at 3 am. I’ve been known to cry just because it’s nighttime…

    ps. How was the making out with Jim?

    Dec 28 5:24 pm


  5. I’ve been there too – and it sucks when it happens when you’re trying to sleep because you already have enough to deal with just trying to find a position to be comfortable in…

    Anyway, the freakouts don’t really end after the baby is born. I still can’t sleep, but apparently, it’s a woman thing. The comedian Wanda Sykes (sp?), did such a good job imitating a woman’s mind before bed on one of her standup routines. It was hilarious. She covered everything from how we think we smell, to how many shoes we have, to did we leave the oven on, and where did we put this, etc… It was so me.

    Anyway, from personal experience, I would recommend taking the first month off from your business. It’s hard trying to find a moment to shower, let alone worry about client work.

    It’ll all work out Jen, don’t worry. I’m so excited for you too! *Hugs*

    Dec 28 7:40 pm


  6. Jen
    @jayesel

    oh I’m taking AT LEAST a month off, probably more. I figure that if I was working, I would probably have 6-8 weeks off, and possibly even 12. And since I have the gift of being able to dictate that myself, I’ll most likely do at least 8 weeks. I’ll still be ‘available’ for emergencies for my customers, but I won’t be taking on any new projects before that, and even then probably just 1 or 2 (not 10 like I have right now! eek!)

    Yeah, we women have some real problems, don’t we? hehe Sometimes my brain just does NOT want to shut off and the things that pop into my head are… interesting ;) hehe

    Dec 28 8:17 pm


  7. Jen
    @jayesel

    Laura: hehe… it was okay :) I don’t remember too much of the making out part, just the vague idea that it happened. Dreams are SO weird.

    Dec 28 8:18 pm


  8. We had Oliver’s name picked out months before we even tried to get pregnant, but other than that, you are WAAAAY ahead of where we were. Heck, we didn’t even start our childbirth classes until the last week of May (had to wait till after George’s semester was over) when I was 34 1/2 weeks pregnant! Little did we know that Oliver was going to be late anyway! :P

    As for feeling ready… I think you’ll get to a point when, no matter how many uncertainties or sleepless nights lie ahead, you get so fed up with being huge and uncomfortable and unable to walk/sleep/function like a normal human, and you just want the baby OUT ALREADY, and you’ll deal with the rest later!!! At least, that’s the way I felt, especially by the time Oliver was 11 days late… hehe :D

    You are a good person Jen, you have a great support system in your husband and your family, and you love this baby. Outside of that, trust that everything else will work itself out. None of us who are parents are perfect or prepared. We worry, we do our best, and our children teach us and learn with us. We get tired, we get scared, and maybe I’m only speaking for myself here, but we would ribbit like a frog for half an hour just for one more baby laugh… and then one more… :) The point is, at the end of the day (even a bad day), kids are totally worth it.

    So anyway, that’s my big monologue of reassurance. I’m so excited for you guys and I can’t wait for you to find out how amazing parenthood is!! :) I also can’t wait to find out what name you guys pick! (I know it’s stressful… but it’s still so cool to NAME someone :))

    Dec 28 10:16 pm


  9. Your freak out is so normal. You have plenty of time left to get the room done…it’ll happen. Make a list and do a different thing once a week — or every other day — whatever works for you!

    Oh, and I knew NOTHING about babies…and Darci is thriving!! :) …..just have a baby book and a phone (to call your Mom!) handy …..I’m so excited for you. This is SUCH an amazing journey and you are really just starting to go through a crazy period ….the best part will come on her birth day!

    Dec 29 9:00 am


  10. Priscilla

    I am already freaking out and I am only 9 weeks along! And this is my third baby! It must be something in a woman’s gene system!

    I remember freaking out when I was pregnant with Jada, I was only 20 years old! She came out perfectly and we made it through, I don’t know how, but we made it. The amazing thing is, after the baby is born, you just sort of know how to do things, it’s very weird.

    You guys will do just fine and like someone above said, you guys have a really great support group in the people that love you.

    With the first two, we had the names picked out by the second prenatal visit! This time, I am totally clueless. We have the middle names picked…I think but only because we are using grandparents’ names. It’s a struggle to name someone because you just want to get that right so they aren’t teased for the rest of their lives but when you pick it, you’ll know it’s right.

    I feel so unprepared and like I said, I’m only 9 weeks along. It doesn’t help that we have to find a new place to live either before this baby is born or soon after! Try having that added to your plate! Now I’m going to go freak out!
    Sorry I’m so long winded today!

    Dec 29 1:04 pm


  11. Jen
    @jayesel

    Prissy- no don’t you freak out too! haha… yeah I think it’s just a woman thing. I told Dan yesterday that I had ‘a moment’ and he was like, ‘Why?’ He couldn’t understand it… or maybe he’s just in denial ;) He just said ‘oh, it’s going to be so much fun!’ Yeah I’ll remind him of that when it’s 2 in the morning and we’re up with a fussy baby.. haha

    Dec 29 4:19 pm


  12. Pei

    haha i’m sorry the entry made me laugh (i’m sure it wasn’t fun to go through it), but it really was a great entry. feel free to throw this amusement back in my face when i have my own pregnancy to go through 10,000 years from now…

    Dec 30 12:46 am