July 24, 2006
So. One phase of insanity is ending, and another is beginning. After 2 years of full time work and evening work and very often weekend work, I am saying NO MORE, PLEASE!
As of August 4, I will be working for ME.
If you had told me 5 years ago I’d be doing this, I would have asked you what kind of drugs were you smoking, and could I have some? ‘Cause they must be gooood. But here it is, it’s my reality. And after I got past the initial heady-ness this morning (and stopped feeling like I was going to puke all over my boss’s desk while I told her), I can honestly say, I am happy. Giddy, even.
A few of you have asked if I’m leaving immediately, and the answer is no. I didn’t want to burn any bridges or make this a bad thing for anyone. I am totally willing to stick around until next week to try finishing up a few projects, pass them on (SAM!), and tie up any loose ends. And really, I’ve enjoyed my time working there. It’s hard to believe it was only a year ago that I left the science world behind and started in a totally different field, incredibly unsure of myself and pretty much convinced I was going to fail. I still have a few inklings of panic now and then about the idea of not having the safety net called ‘PAY DAY’, and I worry that 6 months from now I may regret this, but I don’t REALLY think I will. I am so so ready for this.
And I have to thank everyone for their encouragement, seriously. First of all, Dan (who never visits here, but I’ll thank him publicly anyway!) He has dealt with my mental breakdowns, emotional outbursts, whining and moaning about all the work I have to do, the worrying I’ve done (both outloud and in my little brain, but I’m pretty sure he can hear that, too) All the while he has been nothing but my little cheerleader, telling me he’s proud of me and that I can do it, and that he knows I’ll be successful (this is, of course, in between when he reminds me to “Make him some F-ing money!” heh)
And thank you to all of you here, as well. A few of you I know in real life, some since I had braces and those horrible thick glasses I used to wear ;) but most of you are pretty much strangers to me and I’ll probably never meet you in person. But knowing that you understand my moments of freakishness or at least are willing to lend a supportive ear (eye? hand on the mouse? what would you call it? heh), it really does help. Thank you for all of the ‘Yay Go Jen’-ness that’s been going on, it’s really helped me remember that YES I CAN DO THIS. THIS IS THE RIGHT DECISION.
When I got home from work today, I spent a few minutes talking to Dan about the big day, and I found myself wondering outloud why I was so nervous this morning. I did the same thing a little over a year ago, with a job I had been in for 4 years! Why was I not as nervous then? Dan did a surprisingly perceptive demonstration that, interestingly enough, went right along with the title of the post I wrote this morning (which I know he didn’t read, so great minds must really think alike!):
Dan, taking a side step from right to left: “Last year you did this.”
Dan, covering his eyes and taking a giant step forward: “And now, you’re doing this!”
How right is THAT? It sure is how it feels!
I am so excited. SERIOUSLY. My brain is just flying with all of the things I have to do to get ready to really do this. A checking account, a phone line, new business cards, some better advertising, streamlining my billing system (if you can call a color-coded spreadsheet a ‘system, a new computer desk with space to work, organize my filing, etc etc. But it’s all stuff that’s right up my alley anyway (me + spreadsheets + folders + office gadgets = love)
First though, I am going to take a few days off. A week, even. I’m going to catch up on my housework, maybe even pull out those scrapbooks that have been hidden away for over 2 years and start that up again, maybe sit outside in the sun and do nothing… then, I’ll be ready to get started.