April 7, 2006
I have some time to kill before the end of the work day on a Friday.. my brain is fried and I CANNOT work anymore. So, I will answer another question.
This one is from Melissa:
What is your biggest hope and your biggest fear about becoming a parent?
My biggest fear is probably the same as everyone’s fear about becoming a parent: that I’ll suck at it. Or, more specifically, that others will judge me for the way I will do things, and THINK I suck at it. I know I shouldn’t worry about what other people think, but let’s all be honest and admit that we do all care what everyone else thinks about us. Not smart and not healthy, but it’s the truth. I fear that I won’t be able to ignore those voices from judgemental friends or family members or even strangeres for how I’ll decide to do things. (Not that I’m anticipating raising my kids with wolves or something crazy, but you know how people are…!)
Being a parent, and even moreso, being a mother, is the hardest job there is. I know that without ever having done it! The responsibility blows my mind. I can’t even remember to scoop the cat box more than once a week… how am I going to remember to feed a CHILD? How will I know the answers to their questions as they grow up? What if I unknowingly scar them for live and they end up in therapy and hating me when they’re older?
If you ask me, there’s lots to fear.
But there’s also so much to look forward to. My biggest hope is that I will be able to raise children who are honest and loyal and friendly and smart and funny… but again, I’m sure everyone has those hopes. It’s a given.
I hope that I am able to do it. And, that I am able to do it without losing myself. I do not want to become one of those mothers who ends up bitter and angry at the world because her entire life revolves around her children and she feels she’s missed out on her own life (you know what I’m talking about…) Not that my world won’t revolve mostly around my children- but I want to be sure that I keep myself and my husband at the top of my priority list as well. Without me being happy, my kids won’t be happy. And I hope that I can figure out a way to do that.