January 25, 2006
Note to self: Don’t ever again try to calculate your net worth on one of those online calculator things. It’s just too, too depressing and scary.
How can 2 people with college educations and great jobs and who work CONSTANTLY it seems, have close to a negative net worth? How is that possible? What are we doing wrong?
We don’t overspend. At least, we have zero credit card debt, so we’re certainly not spending more than our means allow at this point. All of our debt is in our education (totalling over $40,000… and that’s after paying $500 a month for nearly 5 years now.. will these things EVER be paid off??!?!) There is also our cars (although one is paid off and the other one will be in a few months- HALLELUJAH!), and of course our house. Which will never be paid off by us because I don’t think we’ll live there long enough, maybe another 5 years or so. And I don’t think we’ll make any kind of a killing off of selling the house, since we’ll still owe quite a bit- probably just enough for a decent down payment on the next place.
But still. How do we just barely break even? Our savings account is pretty much the only ‘positive’ in our net worth ‘assets’ column, plus our piddly retirement at work (since we’re only 26, I suppose that’s not necessarily anything to panic over though) And those 2 cars we own… heh. Boy we’re living high on the hog aren’t we?!
I think I’m just freaking right now. It’s tax time, and we’re gonna owe a nice chunk of change thanks to someone’s bright idea to start a freelance business. (Damn extra income, heh) And we got our bill in the mail yesterday for our trip. It’s not due until March 4, but a month ago when we booked the trip, that seemed much further away than it does now. EEK! All of a sudden, that savings account? Gonna take a big hit.
I think the thing that’s scaring me is that we are starting to seriously have discussions about me quitting work this summer. And trying to have a baby. A BABY PEOPLE. HOLY CRAP. Thinking about changing everything in my life in one drastic motion is causing a bit of panic in me. Not that I don’t WANT to do it.. but.. wow. As crazy as things are sometimes with all of this work and busy-ness and stuff, at least I know what to expect and we have a (sort of) routine. A routine that involves microwaved dinners and laundry piling up and piles of cat hair in the hallway and overflowing trash cans… but it IS a routine. And taking the plunge into changing that routine, and going from 2 comfy incomes to 1 sorta manageable one and 1 unknown, unsteady, unpredictable one. And will I be able to handle a baby AND keep up with freelance work during the day? What if I can’t do it? I can’t go back to work… my salary certainly won’t pay for day care, at least not enough to make it worth the hundred bucks I’d end up bringing home when all is said and done.
I know I’m probably focusing way too much on the financial aspect of things… I always do. I’m a worrier when it comes to that stuff. It took DAN to convince ME that we should just book the Rome trip, and he recently had to convince me to buy the floor tile I WANTED for the bathroom floor rather than the stuff that was a little cheaper that I didn’t like as much. I suppose it goes back to growing up without a lot of ‘STUFF’ and having to watch every dollar and knowing that 1 bad month and things could be REALLY bad.
Anyway. I’m rambling. Basically… the next 6 months or so are going to be incredibly exciting for us, but incredibly scary as well. Which shouldn’t be surprising I guess. But I don’t handle change well, I’ve learned. I used to think I did (I’ve also learned I can be incredibly delusional) When I changed jobs this summer, it didn’t work so well for me. I didn’t let on of course (I don’t even think Dan knew it was hard for me) There were quite a few days where I ended up in tears or at least close.. and I don’t even know why! After a few weeks, I was fine though. Such a GIRL.
Plus, bottom line: I’m a planner. I have to know what’s gonna happen; it drives me crazy not to. And I know that’s bad, because that’s life! But I hate not knowing how something will be. I want to kind of test it first. But for this.. I don’t think I can do that, and it’s probably a good thing. I think it’s something you just have to close your eyes, say a little prayer, and jump in head first. And know that it will all be worth it in the end.
But it sure is damn scary.