does anyone know a good shrink?

Today was seriously the weirdest day.

It was our work Christmas party, complete with a grab-bag ‘Yankee’ gift exchange. I was off sick yesterday (girl stuff / mental health day / felt like crap crap crap) so pretty much that was the big reason I dragged myself out of bed again today. Anyway, the party started at 11, and at about 10:30 I called a client (real work client) to walk her through using our site admin editor- WHICH WORKS EXACTLY LIKE WORD. WHICH SHE SAYS SHE USES EVERY DAY.

I was on the phone with her for 45 minutes, and everyone was waiting for me at the Christmas party to start the gift exchange. Instead of partaking in that fun, I was talking to a complete idiot (and a mean, hostile idiot) on the phone about why she couldn’t get her text to change color. Finally I made it to the party and we opened our gifts (I got a really nice glass chip&dip bowl and 2 cute Christmas towels) and headed to our catered lunch.

At about 12:30, the receptionist came back and gave me a message that I was to call this psycho client again- RIGHT AWAY. Everyone around me told me to wait, I was at lunch and the customer could wait. So I did. When I got back to my desk at 1, there was a voicemail and 2 frantic emails (and voicemails at everyone else’s phone, too!) from her.

So I called her back and sat through an hour and a half of her yelling at me and being frustrated at the fact that, yes ladies and gentlemen, I am NOT A MIND READER and I cannot SEE YOUR COMPUTER SCREEN THROUGH THE PHONE. I have never dealt with this sort of thing before with customers (other than my own, once, and that is different because I can tell them to F-off and I’m not going to fire myself.) I was as patient as I possibly could be, but when I hung up the phone after 90 minutes of it (90 MINUTES! That’s as long as a MOVIE people!) I lost it. I had to go to the bathroom and cry.

When I get mad, I cry. I hate confrontation and always end up crying. Either during or after. This time luckily it was after. Of course it was also in front of my co-workers and our sales rep (all men except 1) which of course was fantastic. I felt like a mental patient.

Here’s my defense.

*sigh* I’ve had a weird month. It started the week after Thanksgiving when I started feeling… strange. I was a little bit nauseous for a few days, in the morning and then sporadically throughout the day. Then I found myself running to the bathroom quite frequently (for both reasons) But I wasn’t sick. After a few days of it, I started thinking back.. remember how on Thanksgiving morning we were out of ‘marital aids’ but threw caution to the wind because I’d just ended my period and thought, what the hell? (no, I’m not on the pill) So then of course I start reading websites and the symptoms of early pregnancy (EARLY, like a week) and start freaking out. But then a day later, I felt better. Oh it must have been a stomach bug. WHEW!

Then it came back. WORSE. I couldn’t eat breakfast, I was peeing all the time (which I always thought was only a late pregnancy thing but apparently it’s not) and I felt incredibly bloated. And boy was I hormonal!!! I was crying at everything, and I am not a crier (unless you piss me off, like I mentioned) So then I started worrying again… could I be pregnant? HOLY CRAP! Wow. That would be.. okay. Dan is done with school (or at least he was almost done at the time) and we were thinking about starting to try sometime this next year anyway… this would just be a little early. hm. But I’d have to wait another 2 weeks to know for sure.

But of course I get a bit obsessive and I bought a pregnancy test (3 in a box) Thursday. I took it. Negative. Of course it was way early (though technically would have been 14 days after conception so it may have showed positive? I’ve read so many websites in the past few weeks that have said different things) After that though, I felt… I don’t know. I wasn’t relieved. But I wasn’t upset either. Just… not sure. I still kept thinking maybe I could be… and I was almost getting adjusted to the idea, and almost excited! I was starting to hope. I had two tests left, just in case I needed them.

Which of course was stupid, looking back. Because of course yesterday I started my period (and no, I don’t think it’s just spotting or anything- these cramps are as real as anything!) And I will admit that I am sad. My mind was wrapping itself around the possibility of having a baby, and what I would do, and how I would tell work, and how I would tell Dan, my parents, everyone… I know it was silly to get all worked up about it, but that’s what I do. I’m retarded. I’m a girl. Sue me.

So today was a bad day for Ms. I’m An Idiot Who Won’t Listen While I Answer Her Question and Get Mad and Yell For No Reason to piss with me. I was already upset and tired and crampy and not wanting to be here, then she interrupted my Christmas party (probably the first and last for me here) and got an attitude with me.

The good news is, everyone around me heard the conversation and said I did a great job handling her. And she also tried to cop the attitude with our (temporary) manager, and she said she was about 2 seconds from telling her to go screw herself. So I don’t feel so bad.

The other good news is, since I’m not pregnant, we are so going to Europe this spring. I don’t care how much it is. WE’RE GOING!!!!!!!!!!!

Tonight we’re going to dinner with my parents, sister/brother-in-law, and uncle to celebrate Dan’s graduation. I’m not a drinker, but I think I may have a drink or two tonight!!!!


  1. Melissa

    December 16, 2005 6:29 pm

    Some people have no idea how horribly they treat others who are trying to HELP them. But it sounds like you handled it like a pro. :)

    You will have an amazing time in Europe. I am so excited for you! :) I strongly recommend taking hand sanitizer on the plane. My poor husband spent 7 1/2 hours next to a guy who was coughing up phlegm every 2 minutes, wiping his mouth WITH HIS HANDS, and then wiping it on the back of the seat in front of him, the blanket, etc. It was disgusting! And he was an American too!

    Enjoy your dinner and drinks tonight… Have a drink for me since I can’t! ;)

  2. Priscilla

    December 16, 2005 8:51 pm

    I am the same way when I get mad. I cry and other people wonder what the hell is wrong with me!!
    I can also understand how you got wrapped up in the idea of being pregnant. I have done that myself. I believe that I am pregnant, start thinking about how to tell people, names, clothing, etc.
    You definitely deserve a drink tonight, enjoy!!

  3. Mel

    December 19, 2005 10:05 am

    I too had my own pregnancy scare this month. Though we’re not married…*gulp*…I too was sitting there thinking a lot about how life would change and looking at baby stuff, etc. :) Even though I knew it would’ve been difficult, I was secretly disappointed that I wasn’t. Kind of. We celebrated with a bottle of wine! :) Where in Europe are you thinking of visiting??

  4. sabrina

    December 19, 2005 3:58 pm

    I am the EXACT same way with getting upset… you want to snap on the person, but for some reason just -can’t- so instead it comes out in the form of angry tears. Ugh. I think the pregnancy roller coaster is normal; even if you don’t really want to be pregnant because you know it’s not feasible on a logical level, it’s your instinct to want lots and lots of bebes! So being disappointed when you find out you’re not pregnant is natural. But at the same time, it’s good that you can appreciate what you’ve got in your life – cause once you cross that bridge and have a child you can never go back to your old life. And every now and then a girl just needs a cocktail!

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